You know, it's funny. I knew that my life would change when Tom and I decided to have a baby. We had 10 months to plan for the "new" life that we agreed we were ready for. 10 months. You'd think that we'd be totally prepared for the changes once she came. Then we had a reality check.
Like big time.
I will say, I look at this little girl and I totally melt. She smiled at the dog today. I mean, seriously, how awesome is that?
But I'm going to admit something to y'all. I am eating a huge piece of humble pie right now - heck, the whole pie is in front of me and I am just chowing down with a fork straight out of the pie pan. All of my mom friends used to say "you can't do anything when you have a new born". I would sit there, roll my eyes (hopefully not to your face... if I did that, I apologize) and think "how hard can it really be?" I mean, newborns sleep up to 20 hours a day, right? They can't move around. They don't play with things. What could possibly be so hard? You know what??? It's hard.
Like really hard...
Like much harder than I ever thought...
My life has changed. I used to be free to do whatever I want. I went where I want, when I wanted. I talked on the phone, blogged, emailed my friends. I worked the hours that I wanted to work. I worked out daily (gasp... I can't wait to get back to that because I'm seriously in major need of a good sweat session and am going to the doctor on Thursday in hopes that I get cleared to start up again). I showered and did my hair. My toes were always painted. I wore clothes that I didn't sleep in.
That was my old norm. And I'm learning to let go of that. I have a new norm... a mom norm. This little girl is bringing Tom and I so much joy and happiness. She lights up my life when I'm sad. She's funny in the things she's doing at 5 weeks. She's changing before our eyes and it's fascinating. But I'm on her schedule. I cater to her. I sleep when she lets me. I eat with one hand while the other holds her. I haven't taken a shower longer than 3 minutes since she's been born. I've learned to type with one hand. I have more voice mails than I know what to do with.
Right now I'm Ab's source of food (yes, I'm breast feed exclusively)
and although I love it and know that it's the best choice for us at this
time, it's hard. I feel like it's all I can do. All day. Every day.
She's growing like a weed which is apparent in her need for me all
day. And then when I'm done and she seems all sleepy and snugly
(awesome by the way), something will startle her and she screams.
people have heard her and said "that's such a sweet noise and not a
scream at all". But when you hear it on and off all day, it sounds
really loud. Shreaking. Like "what-could-possibly-be-that-horrible-in-your-life" bad (yes, I ask her that all the time).
we're learning. It's a new kind of life. I don't get a ton done
throughout the day. Tom is amazing in that he works, cleans, cooks,
plays with Charlie, exercises, showers, and supports me. I feel like if
I get a shower, it's a good day. I now get the "you don't get anything
done throughout the day" theory.
So yeah, my life has changed. And hopefully I'll gain some of my old "normal" back soon. If not, I'll adapt. That's what being a mom is all about.