Why thank you, I am awesome

I consider myself a very humble person.  In fact, most days I don't think I'm anything special.  And I'm horrible at taking a compliment.  If I do something different with my hair (aka, something other than put it up in a messy ponytail) I often say "ugh, yeah, but I'm going gray and it needs color".  If I have friends over for dinner and they tell me my cooking is great, I respond with "it's just a very simple recipe and nothing special".  Even when my husband tells me I'm beautiful, or smart, or funny, I roll my eyes and tell him I am not as great as he thinks.

Why can't I just take a compliment?

It's something that I'm working on.  A very special person told me recently that I need to learn to love me for me and all the things that I offer to people.  I talked to Tom a long time about this tonight.  The problem is, I have a hard time seeing it.  Besides struggling with the whole inner and outer beauty thing, I don't think the life I live is that special - I do what I do because I enjoy it... be it working, volunteering, exercising, cooking, laughing, shopping, sleeping, etc.  Yes, I generally do good things.  I live by the rule of "treat people as you would want to be treated".  I am loyal and honest and hard working.  I take risks, I love with all my heart, I'm not a quitter.


Do you struggle with this?  Do you take compliments well?  Do you love yourself for who you are and what you have to offer?  Just some food for thought...

And the next time someone tells me something good about me, I'm going to work on just saying "thank you". Heck, I might even agree with them and say "Thank you, I am pretty awesome".

The unexpected guest

** This week marks the 8th "anniversary" of Tom's diagnosis with Type 1 Diabetes.  I wrote a little letter to our unexpected guest.**

Dear Type 1 Diabetes, 

Some days I just want to tell you to “Suck It”. 

You entered our lives eight years ago.  We don’t know why… we didn’t invite you.  Heck, you were a stranger to us at the time and I was always taught to never let strangers into my house.  I remember Tom saying he couldn’t see things, and that he was going to the bathroom all day long, but you didn’t even cross my mind.  At the Urgent Care, they told us that his blood sugar was 300, but that was as high as their meter went.  And blood sugar, what’s that?  At the ER, they were even more vague, although the blood sugar thing was even higher.  They hooked him up with IV’s, ran some tests and gave us some papers telling us that your cousin was visiting because of Tom's age… Type 2 diabetes.

I went home and cried, but only after stopping for lunch and not knowing what to order – how could you control us in just the first few minutes of us knowing you?

The next day we went to a different hospital, saw a family friend who was an endocrinologist, and he was the one that introduced us and said that we’d be living with you forever.

You were the unexpected guest we never invited and couldn’t send home.

I was mad.  Tom was mad.  We were both scared.  We weren’t even married, yet our happy household went from three (Buddy was around then) to four.  We didn’t have room for you. But we had no choice.

Since you’d be staying with us forever, I wanted to do a background check on you.  What were you going to take from us?  What were you going to ask of us?  How would you living with us change our lives? Commonly you live with young kids (you are cruel I tell you).  Sometimes you live with grownups.  Sometimes you choose your new home when you have already visited people that live there.  In our case, it was a totally random visit.

Thanks.

There were many months where I wanted you to pack up and leave.  You might have been primarily hanging out with Tom, but you were affecting all of us.  You caused Tom to get hooked on drugs that calmed you down.  You ruined many workouts.  You gave us many sleepless nights.  You left us wondering, “why did you choose us to come visit?”.

But you know what, now that you have been with us eight years, you aren’t that bad. 

Yes, there are still days when I wish you would leave and think that you have overstayed your welcome.  Those three a.m. wake-ups to Tom’s continuous glucose meter beeping, telling me that his blood sugar levels are plummeting as I look at him drenched in sweat are no fun – it’s like you are partying when we want to sleep.  When we are out on a run and he starts arguing with me for no reason, telling me he wants to give up, only to find that he’s low… or high…  That’s your fault too.  I find test strips in the weirdest places (hello… Tom doesn’t even test his blood in my closet), glucose tabs in every pocket of my purse.  Our life has definitely changed because of you.

But in good ways too.  You have helped Tom see that he has a voice and that people want to listen to it.  He has learned not to hide you, but to introduce you to others so that they get to see what it’s like to live with you. You have introduced both of us to some amazing people of all ages that are living with you as well.  We all share the fact that you were invited into any of our lives, but we are all too welcoming and will take care of you forever.  You were the biggest reference used to help him get on Team Type 1, and he’s gone from an athlete, to a director and now a manager within the organization. You have encouraged Tom to run across the United States with the Team Type 1 running team, bike across it twice with the Team Type 1 Elite team (setting the world record which still stands), toe the line of 5 Ironman distance races, P.R. at every distance of every race he’s entered since having you in his life, and continue to strive for excellence.  You’ve taught him to not settle, but also that you are a guest and that he’s in control.

And you’ve taught me a lot to.  Patience is the first thing that comes to mind.  Yeah, you have definitely taught me a lot about that.  And unconditional love.  When you moved in, I could have moved out. But I think you helped convince Tom to propose to me a month after you moved in and that I was worth keeping around, so thank you.  I actually like company and I wanted to work to make sure that you weren’t too much of a burden on the one person I loved more than life itself.  You have taught me that even if I don’t always like you, and I want to tell you to leave us alone, that you aren’t going away.  You can be tamed.  We set the boundaries for our guests. 

I am not at the point where I will say that I’m glad you’re here, but I will say, you aren’t nearly as bad as I thought you’d be.

With (dare I say it?) love,

Your host mom

The power of perception

I haven't talked much about my workouts lately, but Coach Sharpie is keeping me busy. I'm in a drill phase...  learning a lot of things that I probably should have known after 5 years of racing, but never really did (I guess that's the power of a coach.  Hum... who would have thought?)

In any event, as I swim and bike and run, I am constantly thinking to myself "I am getting stronger.  I'm am getting better".  And often during my drills, I think to myself, "wow, I feel so smooth right now".  And then it hits me...

It doesn't matter that I'm rocking a sparkly Rev suit that makes me feel like a super hero:

I'm pretty certain I look like this when I'm swimming: 

And when I run:

Ah, the power of perception.  I guess as long as I think I look good, and fast, and smooth, that's all that matters.  Right?

:)

Life's too short

Some days I feel like my world is crashing in on me and that I'll never get out of the hole that I feel like I'm sinking into.  I'm on the rollercoaster of life and most days recently it feels more like a wild ride with some really bad twists and turns.  After the many highs, there are so many lows... the continual kicked to the gut feeling.  I hope the ride ends soon... as I'm ready to get off and move on.

But then I stop and think about my "problems" and realize they are so so very small in this large world.  I have all that I could ever really want and need (except for a permanent place to call home), but really, life's too short to let that eat me alive.

On Monday, we got word that my Uncle's first wife (who is still very close to our family and my mom in particular), lost her only son.  She's a single mom who lived every minute of her life for her 18 year old whom she actually named after my Grandpa (even though Tommy wasn't my uncle's son and she had him after she and my uncle got divorced).  She loved my grandparents that much.  Tommy was a great kid... as Eagle Scout, involved with his church, and had just signed up to serve our country after graduation.  He was Liz's world.  And her world came crashing down on Monday when his truck wrapped around a tree on the way to school and he was killed instantly.  She went from loving life to losing her everything.

Later that night, my mom's cousin passed away.  This past November, he was diagnosed with cancer and just a last week was given just months to live by hospice.  He made it just one more week.

Life is too short people.  Hug those that mean the world to you.  Tell the people you love that you love them every single day.  And don't take anything, even the wild ride of life, for granted.  I'm sure that Liz and Denis's wife would love to be on my wild ride right now instead of the places that they are...

Three things thursday

I've never participated in three things Thursday (does that count as one thing?). :)

1. I swam today.  It was glorious.  I'm enjoying swimming (**gasp I know!  Who am I and what is the Carole lady doing to me?**).  I was all alone in the pool.  I had my music blaring, listening to everything from Sugarland and Adele to Kid Rock and Kanye.  I caught myself starting to sing but quickly remembered I was underwater.  My arms are killing me, my legs are tired.  And when I thought that finally all was right in the world, realized that I was supposed to run today and swim tomorrow.  Oye ve!
2. I talked to four different people today from two different insurance companies and all four said to me "I bet you are up to your ears in boxes getting ready for the move?".  Right.  About that.  I haven't started packing.  Anything.  I did buy some boxes.  And 300 feet of bubble wrap showed up today on my front porch. And I hired the moving people.  But the packing?  I should probably get one that.  Tomorrow. 
3. I'm seriously thinking of opening a Noodles and Company in Georgia.  Right now, this is about the only thing that I think Georgia is missing.  If you haven't eaten there, you seriously are missing out.  Best Macaroni and Cheese ever (better than the blue box Heather!) and their Japanese Pan Noodles are to die for.  Then again, maybe this is why I'm not losing weight.  Something to ponder I suppose.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

It's winner time! :)  But, before I get to that, I just want to say that I had a fabulous birthday.  Thanks to all of you for your super kind comments about how great I look at my age.  I celebrated the 11th anniversary of my 21st birthday with a quiet weekend... just the way I like it.  Tom and I went to the outlet malls on Saturday and then yesterday, had a great lunch with my mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law at Jason's Deli (have you people tried this place yet?  Holy yum!  And... free soft serve.  Love it!).  Then Tom and I came home and went for a slow, but enjoyable 10 mile run before being total bums the rest of the night, gorging ourselves on homemade beef and noodles and then enjoying warm brownies topped with walnuts and marshmallows. Yum!  It was perfect.  Although, I will say, getting old is tough.  I work up this morning feeling like I had been hit by a freight train.  I used to say that after a long night of drinking.  Now it's just because I'm old. :)

Okay, back to the good stuff.  So I ended up getting 113 comments from the contest for the Sparkly Soul headband giveaway.  Most of you pick four or five colors as your favorite (I'm telling you, you can't go wrong).  I would say the glaring majority of you thought that Tom was the highlight of the post.  I let him know which affirms what I thought - he doesn't read my blog.  I think he was a little mortified that his picture with a pink sparkly headband is making it's way around the internet.  Sorry buddy... that's what you get! :)  (muah... I love you Brady, you know that). 

So I used Random.org to pick the winner and the winner was comment #50 - CHRISTI at Pedestrian Runner! :)  Congrats Christi!  Shoot me an email and I will give you the information that you'll need to get your two headbands!!!

For those of you that didn't win (especially those boys who were hoping that I'd do your Valentine's Day shopping for you), Sparkly Soul is offering you a 15% discount through March 1st by simply using the code "FitFluential" on their website.  Trust me... you'll LOVE these headbands!!

Thanks for playing along everyone!