Race Schedule and Results

Monday, July 23, 2012

Believe in "me"


My motto for this year was and still is "I believe in me". 

Funny, right?  I mean, if you've met me you probably know my personality and that I'm a fairly confident person.  I don't mind dancing to the beat of my own drum (and yes, it's a funny dance, but you should hear the beat in my head!).  I'm not worried about what people thing of me.  I present myself as knowing who I am and what my purpose is in life.

Truth be told, the confidence I show isn't the confidence I feel inside.

I've always struggled with believing that I am what people tell me they see.  I've talked a little bit about how I can't take a compliment (I am working on saying "thank you", but that's a lot harder than I thought it would be).  I'm more timid and reluctant to just say "I am pretty good at x, y and z".  I usually don't take credit for a job well done.  Instead I try to minimize it, but saying how easy it was or what I did to cheat the hard part, even if I worked my butt of to finish the job. 

That's just me.  The true and honest me.

Where the "believe in me" REALLY comes into play is with training this year.  Man oh man am I struggling with this.  You'd think that this is the first season that I've ever trained or race and that I don't know what I'm doing or what lies ahead of me.  Every swim I get bogged down with how slow I am.  Every bike it seems like the pedal strokes are harder.  Each run, I struggle to put one foot in front of the other.  I've said "I can't" more than "I will". And it's hard.  I've quit the sport of triathlon probably 10 times this season, simply because I feel like I'm not good enough and I can't do it.  I've cried.  I've kicked things.  I've used the words "hate", "suck", "chore" and "miserable" more times than I can count to describe training.

But then I have a weekend like this past weekend.  I was with my favorite training partner and great friends... people who are absolutely amazing people, inside and out.  Friends who exude confidence and do what they love because they can, not because they have to.  They believe in themselves.

And it clicks.

I may not be the fastest, or the strongest, or the smartest, but I'm better than I give myself credit for.  And while other people believe in my abilities, be it to bike up a mountain, run on a trail, or whatever, the greatest gift I can give myself is believing in me.


15 comments:

Kristen said...

I'm so glad this weekend allowed YOU to see what WE see in you...a strong-willed, kick ass, determined, smart woman who has an incredibly proud sister.

x o x o

Matty O said...

HIGH FIVE :)

Sounds like a great time for you guys, glad you had fun!

Don't worry, only 3 of the 8 people that went w/ us to Put-in-Bay had ever been there before haha... if you are up here and want to head up there, let us know!!! Tom and I can both take pictures w/ cannons :)

RockStarTri said...

Nice post. I need to get into liking to do this stuff again too. The quest for mojo continues but sounds like you had a great weekend.

Heather-O said...

Chin up! You are awesome at what you do! If it helps you feel better, people like me look up to people like you and wish we were as fast as you ;) Matt always tells me there will always be someone "bigger and better than you", but as long as it's fun, that shouldn't matter ;)

PS - sorry to hear about Buddy =( If there's anything we can do for you guys (from OH) let us know...

Anne-Marie said...

Nice post - the last sentence says it all!

It's funny how we struggle with this stuff sometimes, isn't it? I went through something similar in April-May. Hooray for some true friends to change your perspective!

Thank you for the very sweet comment on my last post too, btw! :)

MR DETERMINED said...

I completely understand how hard it can be to believe in yourself. For me the more I am aware of it, the more I change.

Matthew Smith said...

I'm a believer! You rock, Colleen, and I'm glad you had such an incredible weekend of training. I need you to get me out on my bike, pronto! It's just collecting dust! :)

Aunt Nan said...

There is no obstacle that can stop you. Love, Mom xoxo

Ironman By Thirty said...

Love it!

If you can't believe in yourself, why should anyone else?

Re: H's comment: Is everything alright with Buddy?? Did I miss something???

Jason said...

Great post. I love it. We all go through it and the successful ones (like you) push through it.....

Glad you found that mojo and are bringing it back to life......

Wes said...

I like humble. Arrogant is as common as oxygen.

Carolina John said...

You're still pretty fast and pretty strong. And just pretty. Keep at it! xx

Alisa said...

So true, believing in yourself is key.

And, I agree with some of the others here, you are fast, strong and pretty :).

track coach and adorable wife said...

I really need to read this post about a million times! I have always used athletics as a mask for how unconfident I am. Pushing myself is hard, because I doubt myself! Still working on it, maybe always will be, but knowing that others struggle with it as well gives me hope.

You are awesome!

Pschall said...

Amen, chica!!! I LOVE this post! Keep on believing! 100 days ’til Florida!!!

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