Monday, July 23, 2012
Believe in "me"
My motto for this year was and still is "I believe in me".
Truth be told, the confidence I show isn't the confidence I feel inside.
I've always struggled with believing that I am what people tell me they see. I've talked a little bit about how I can't take a compliment (I am working on saying "thank you", but that's a lot harder than I thought it would be). I'm more timid and reluctant to just say "I am pretty good at x, y and z". I usually don't take credit for a job well done. Instead I try to minimize it, but saying how easy it was or what I did to cheat the hard part, even if I worked my butt of to finish the job.
That's just me. The true and honest me.
Where the "believe in me" REALLY comes into play is with training this year. Man oh man am I struggling with this. You'd think that this is the first season that I've ever trained or race and that I don't know what I'm doing or what lies ahead of me. Every swim I get bogged down with how slow I am. Every bike it seems like the pedal strokes are harder. Each run, I struggle to put one foot in front of the other. I've said "I can't" more than "I will". And it's hard. I've quit the sport of triathlon probably 10 times this season, simply because I feel like I'm not good enough and I can't do it. I've cried. I've kicked things. I've used the words "hate", "suck", "chore" and "miserable" more times than I can count to describe training.
But then I have a weekend like this past weekend. I was with my favorite training partner and great friends... people who are absolutely amazing people, inside and out. Friends who exude confidence and do what they love because they can, not because they have to. They believe in themselves.
And it clicks.
I may not be the fastest, or the strongest, or the smartest, but I'm better than I give myself credit for. And while other people believe in my abilities, be it to bike up a mountain, run on a trail, or whatever, the greatest gift I can give myself is believing in me.