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Friday, February 15, 2013

Life is precious


I got the call this morning that I was waiting for - a weird call to say "waiting for".  It was the call that my grandma (we called her "Amma") had passed away.  We knew that it was coming - all the signs were there, but we all waited patiently by the phones for the call when the nurses said that she had indeed left to go meet my grandpa.

She had Alzheimer's, in fact, they both did.  What a horrible disease to witness, especially when two people who love each other so deeply both suffer from it.  When my grandfather passed away in August, my grandmother was so incredibly confused.  How do you explain that her husband, who many days she didn't know, was no long alive?  She constantly asked when he was coming home, saying that she needed to get dinner going for him (she hadn't cooked in years).  Shortly after his death, she told us that she was going to be late and that she needed to go meet him, my aunt Cathy (who passed away in 1994) and her parents.  They were having her over for dinner.  Wow...

For the last 6 months, Amma has struggled with sadness and not being able to express what made her sad.  She cried a lot.  She had a series of mini strokes. She stopped eating.  She stopped drinking.  In all honesty, she stopped living.  I firmly believe that she died somewhat of a broken heart.  She and my grandfather were married 66 years.

I wish my Abigail had been able to meet one of her great grandparents.  That's something that's weighing heavy on my heart today.   When she found out I was pregnant, Amma told everyone that "we are having a baby".  I think she would have loved Abby so many - she always said that Tom and I would make amazingly adorable babies (she had a love for how handsome Tom was!!!) I'm fairly positive she didn't know who I was at the time, or the relationship that my child would have to her, but she had such a sparkle for those few minutes when it registered that there would be a new life coming into the world. 

I'm at peace knowing that Amma's with Ampa again.  She's been reunited with her daughter and her parents.  And they all will wait around patiently until we too can meet again.  Love you Amma - I'll always be your Doogloofer #2.

16 comments:

Matthew Smith said...

Oh Colleen! I'm so sorry for you losing another grandparent! I know it is tough, because I've been there a couple times too. Like you said, she "stopped living," so I'm sure you find some comfort in that she is resting now. The whole Abigail meeting her thing is probably the toughest, but one day, we'll all get see each other again.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be NO MORE DEATH or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4

I can't wait for that day! Hang in there!

Ironman By Thirty said...

So sorry for your loss!

I can feel both your sadness and joy in your words. Sadness for losing your grandma, but also joy knowing that she is with your grandpa again.

We'll keep you guys in our prayers!

Michelle said...

I'm so very sorry. Thinking of all of you and saying prayers for your family.

Allison said...

I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. ((HUGS)) I'd wondered what sadness you and Kristen were referring to. You will all be in my prayers.

Kristin Deaton said...

Loosing a grampa is tough but loosing a grandma is tougher. I struggle a lot with the passing of my Dad's mom Dee. She was blessed to know and touch and play will all of her great grandchildren, BUT MINE. It breaks my heart that you are struggling with this too.
There is such comfort in knowing she is looking over you know with Ammpa and they are having a grand time rid of that horrible disease that had taken hold of him on this earth. She will get to see Abby and be with her and you always till you get to be held in her arms many many many years from now.
Hugs Colleen.

misszippy said...

Very sorry to hear it! Alzheimers is such an awful disease. Hugs.

Aunt Nan said...

Sweetheart, I know your sadness for Amma comes straight from your heart. Her family, as we all know, was her life. But now she's with Ampa and we can rejoice in their happiness together again. Abby will always be loved, and Amma would have absolutely adored her. My sadness is that Abby will not feel Amma's kisses and hugs, but I will certainly make up for those. Be strong, Sweetheart. Our family is amazing and we will all remember all the wonderful times and love that Amma and Ampa showered us with. I love you, Mom

Carolina John said...

You've had to suffer through a lot of loss recently, and I really hate that for you. I still have both grandmothers for now but their health has been declining for a long time now. It's not easy watching them suffer like that. I'm glad you've found peace already.

Steve said...

Sorry Colleen. That is sad.

Jeff Irvin said...

Sorry for your loss.

DRog said...

Hi Colleen

Sorry for the loss of your grandma and grandfather

Sara said...

I am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful tribute to your grandmother and her memory. Sending prayers and warm thoughts your way.

Caroline said...

OH Colleen..I am so sorry for your loss...so sad...you have to believe that they are now together and in peace

Big Daddy Diesel said...

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family for your loss

Erika said...

So sorry for your loss. I lost my Nana Bun almost 2 years ago - she also had Alzheimer's and we went through years of her mental health deteriorating while she was still a feisty, healthy 90 year old otherwise. It was so hard when she didn't know who I was. I wish my Julia could have met her, too...but I know she's now making jokes and being her smart-ass self with my Papa Leon in Heaven. Peace be with you during this difficult time...

Molly said...

I'm so sorry Colleen. : (

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