Dreams

It's been 500 days.  That's a long time.  500 days since I toed the line for a triathlon.  I can barely call myself a triathlete if it's been over a year since I did one.  Do I get my triathlete card revoked (don't get me started on my USAT card... that's long expired)?  I used to race 5,6,7 times a year.  I yearned for the competition, the long brick workouts, the tight spandex... oh wait, I never liked that part of triathlon.  And yet as another "season" comes to a close (you know, because doing one half marathon this year is totally a season people, get with it), I think about next year and what my goals are.  Tom asked me to tell him what my "dream" year looked like and in a all-too-common-lately moody response I said "I don't want to even talk about dreaming... I've done that too much and I just get burned".

It's been an amazing year, but a rough one too.  Tom's been out of a job for a while now and worked incredibly hard on a prospect that was right at his fingertips and then ultimately fell through.  We spent so many hours dreaming of how this was going to change our lives... and it did, but not in the amazing way we thought.  That seems to be the story of our life.  So between that roller coaster, and a lot of quite frankly shitty things, I sometimes find it hard to dream about next year.  Yes, I have an amazing family (my daughter is my world), a beautiful home, food on the table, my health, I'm married to my best friend, etc, but I guess I fear disappointing myself, my family, etc by dreaming about what life can be like.  But no one ever got anywhere without dreaming.

So... I apologized to Tom for my crappy attitude, like I always do, I pulled up my big girl panties, and I started to dream.  I see so much for us.  Tom will have a new career.  My company will be flourishing.  Abby is going to turn one and will be walking and talking and be this amazing little person (I mean, she already is, but even MORE amazing).  I dream of financial stability, and good health.  I dream of flourishing friendships and new ones to come.

And then there's my athletic self.  I know she doesn't really exist right now, but  I want to get back to it.  I want to get back to it good.  I put it out there that I want to win a 70.3.  Most likely my loftiest dream of 2014.  But I have one in mind and I'm going to have to work my tail off to get there (it's a small race and it's not totally unachievable, but it ain't gonna be easy).  There's a half marathon that I ran maybe four years ago in 1:48.  I want to go 1:47. I want to be that person that people look at and say "wow... she brought it AND has a life outside of the sport" (you know, because in said dream I'll look cute when I cross the finish line and my little girl will come running at me with her little bow legs and piggy tails.  Everyone will simultaneously stop what they are doing and "ahhh" together in unison at what an amazing mom I am and how adorable it is that my little girl loves me so much.  This is my dream people... let me have my moment).  It probably won't play out that way, but whatevs...

I will look cute though when I cross the finish line. Okay, reality check... I'll still be a sausage stuffed into it's casing - ain't nothing changing that, but at least the casing will look super cute.  I'm racing in this amazing kit this year and representing the Swim Bike Mom Army. 



After all, no matter how hard this year has been, I became a mom.  My dream came true.  

I have 327 days until possibly my next tri (hopefully I find one before that that suits my fancy).  In the meantime, I'm going to be busy.  I have lots of dreams to chase...