Race Schedule and Results

Monday, September 19, 2011

Hurt


I've been lucky to have been a very liked person thus far in my life.  Sounds silly to say, but teachers, friends, coworkers, bosses, neighbors, family, etc have always showed me a lot of respect and general liking toward me as a person... I've been blessed with many many good relationships.

So when a relationship comes along that is a challenge, one that really needs a lot of work, I really struggle. Relationships shouldn't be a lot of work.

Right now, I'm really struggling.

I feel like I give and give and in return I get a lot of resentment, a lot of anger toward me, a lot of unwarranted negativity.  It's zapping, both emotionally and mentally and I close myself off.  I've been misread, misjudged, and alienated for reasons that are uncompromisable to the average person.  You're opinions are yours, and I get that, but when the facts aren't there to back them up, they aren't facts.  I feel like I could tell you the sunny sky is blue and you'd tell me I'm lying, and then spin it to say that I'm a horrible person for trying to tell you that it's blue.  I can't change your mind.

You hurt people I love.  You hurt good people.  In the end, you will be the one missing out on so much in life. I know your life isn't as full as mine.  I'm blessed in that regard.

I've been told to be fake, to put on a smile and pretend that the relationship is worth saving at this point.  But it's not that deep inside that I know the truth.  I've never been fake - maybe that's why you don't like me.  I've told you when I disagree with the way you are treating me, treating my husband, treating others that used to be dear to you. I do it because I care for them.  I do it because you are wrong.

You can read me like a book.

There's a fine line between being the bigger person and being true to me.  The bigger person puts on the smile and bites my tongue, knowing that if it hasn't changed at this point, it never will.  The true me wants to tell you how much you've hurt me, hurt people I love and that I hope no one causes that same pain that I feel on days like this.

In the near future there will be some changes.  They will help me.  I hope they help you too...

31 comments:

Molly said...

HUGS. I've been there and it's not fun. Some people will never be happy...

Alexa said...

I've been there. Personally, I can't swallow the hurt and go on pretending that everything is fine. I end up telling the person how I feel, and normally it falls on deaf ears. Sucks.

Michelle said...

Sending you hugs and positive thoughts!

Heather-O said...

Keep your chin up Colleen and don't waste another thought on whoever is hurting you and your loved ones. You deserve to be treated well and I am hoping things get better for you very quickly! Karma is definitely on your side!

One of my favorite quotes,"Life is too short to wake up in the mornings with regrets. So love the ones who treat you right, forget the ones who don’t. Remember that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it, if it changes your life, then let it. No one said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

Teamarcia said...

In my experience whatever you say, should you choose to confront this person, will be manipulated and misconstrued anyway. Sometimes no relationship is better than a toxic one. Sorry you're going thru this.

Keith Flint said...

Oh no, Colleen. I am terribly sorry to know this is happening to you. You and Tom have quickly and easily become two of my favorite people. It breaks my heart to know you are suffering mistreatment of any kind. Please know that I will do anything I can to help, encourage, and support you both.

Ironman By Thirty said...

What Heather said.

Do you want me to beat them up for you??? (only sort of kidding ;) )

You and Tom are such amazing people that I can't even imagine being mean or unkind to either of you. You have been consistently positive and great friend even before we actually met you in person.

Good luck!

Matthew Smith said...

I'm so sorry that people are stupid sometimes! I'm one of those "always been liked" people too, so I get it. And I, like you, find it impossible to be "fake." So, good luck. Hang in there!

Jennie said...

I've been there. It's awful. I hope the changes you mentioned help improve the situation for all involved!

Matty O said...

I was hoping after reading the title of your blog post that you were going to ultimately concede in the dance off at Rev3 the other weekend, totally crushed to read this post!

All I can say is that you are way more positive, happy, friendly, warm and welcoming than 99% of the people I know. Let it slide off your back and move on.

What worked for H and I when we went through what seems like similar drama was to write the people off. It didn't fix the situation by any means, but H and I are 100% happier now than we have ever been :) In the end it's about you and Tom being happy.

Big ole MattyO hug heading your way. Keep your head up :) Look forward to seeing you guys Saturday!

Kacie Darden said...

((((((HUGS)))))))))

Jeff - DangleTheCarrot said...

Annie and I know what you should do: Visit us in Texas - this always makes everything better!

Steve said...

WOAH!! I don't know you very well, and don't know who is bugging you, someone from work or something.

Hope you feel better, and it seems to me you have a ton of people who like you, so always think of them, and the person who is hurting you, may just be hurting inside themselves too.

Good Luck :)

JenniferLeah said...

sorry to hear you are hurting.
toxic relationships are horrible-hope things look up soon. Be true to yourself :)
((hugs))

Kristin said...

HUGS!!! People who hurt you are negative to your well being. It sucks! I've been there! You are strong! You will figure out how to handle this! Good Luck!

Big Daddy Diesel said...

I am terribly sorry you have to go through this, you are too nice of a person to let someone suck the happiness out of you.

Wes said...

I've been told to be fake

and I tell you to be true to who you are first. you can do everything right and still not get the outcome that you want. life goes on :-)

Kim said...

oh col, im so sorry that you are hurting. i sent you an email and want you to know i love you very much.

Meaghan said...

Oh yuck.. Sending huge virtual HUGS your way.. Be true to YOU, the rest will fall into place. xoxo..

Jason said...

Hey friend.....sorry to hear you are going through this.

My one piece of advice is to let them go. Even if they are family. I have let plenty of people go and it sucks at first but then you realize the stress is gone after a few days and you are happier and better off.

I don't like shutting people out as I love being social but sometimes it is what has to be done.

I always look at my wife and step-son and think about whether or not I'm treating them right and being fair to them while the other stress is there. If I determine that I am not then guess which one has to go....btw I'm still married and have a step-son but have less friends.

Allison said...

((HUGS)) Cutting people out of your life is hard, but sometimes it's for the best for both of you. I hope you can find peace with whatever decision you need to make and hope there aren't any major repercussions.

((HUGS))

Lisa said...

Ugh...it can be hard to let go of a toxic relationship, but it's clear you've got your focus on the right stuff.

She said I need a goal said...

I wrote a big long comment but really, DITTO what everyone else here has said especially the I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Do what you need to do and don't feel bad about it. You and your family do not need this kind of thing. You are amazing.

;-)

Anne-Marie said...

Ditto to what everyone else above said... I don't think I can offer anything new...

I have a hard time with situations like this myself. The rational part of my brain tells me these people aren't worth my time/stress and I should just forget them; the emotional part of me wants to figure out how to smooth things over.

*hugs*

Caratunk Girl said...

I am so so sorry. You are way too amazing of a person to have to go through this crap.

Hugs.

Aimee said...

I think you've already gotten some great advice, but things like this are never easy. I'm sorry you're going through this! I've been in a situation where I wanted to "save" a friendship based on our past memories, but realized that being "friends" with this person was causing too much stress and just became unhealthy. So, I said goodbye. It was hard, but in the end, it was the best thing for me.

Beth said...

When people are that horrible you have to imagine that they are miserable inside, I feel sorry for whoever you are talking about. I am also sorry they hurt you, I can relate especially when they hurt other people I care about.

Kristen said...

I love you with all of my heart, my soul, and my being. You are not any of those things - EVER - so do not let that pollution seep into your mind. Clearly no sane person would say anything like that......

I just hope that on those hard days you can find it in you to smile at all the wonderful things you are, and the wonderful life you have. On my tough days I do smile...and it is because you are my sister and my best friend, and you make me so incredibly happy and loved, and I hope I do the same for you!!!

x o x o

Molly said...

It sounds like this toxic person really isn't worth having in your life. I;ve been there, I've had to move on from a friend who caused me more anxiety than love. It was difficult, but it was for the best. You're a great person, and you only deserve to have great people in your life.

Janet Edwards said...

I have had these days and the husband in his comical way, usually says something to me like, "well just kick them in the junk!" Not that I would ever do it but for some reason the notion just makes me crack a smile!

Anyways, I think it is fabulous that you are such a positive person and give so much and hope you find peace with the situation. Hugs!

Heidi Austin, PT, DPT said...

hugs girly! hope it all works out... don't waste you time and energy on negative people! they aren't worth it :) good luck hun~

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