Race Schedule and Results

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Lesson of the day


Here's my lesson of the day - think before you speak.

It's not hard in theory, really, but I just don't get some people.  And here it is, 17 hours after someone spoke before thinking and I'm still fired up.  Maybe it's because of the person that said it and their inability to care or maybe it's the words, but in any event, I'm all fired up and this post will probably show that (that's my warning to you... hehehe)

I've smiled many times at stupid things that people have said to me over the years.  I've gotten fired up a time or two as well, I'll admit that.  Like the time we were ordering "Running On Insulin" rubber bracelets for a 4 mile race Tom and I were organizing to raise money for a local Diabetes Organization and the lady from the company that makes the bracelets suggested that we only order extra large ones since we were talking about diabetes.  The "you must be overweight to have diabetes" conversation does indeed fire me up.  A lot. And I would say that 100% of the time, it's because people don't know about the disease and don't think before they speak.

Or how about the number of times that a person says "oh I've run a marathon too - it was five miles and so hard".  That's cute.  I don't get too fired up about that one because again, it's probably more from lack of knowledge than anything.  I usually smile and try to correct them on what a marathon is, but sometimes I figure it's easier to not offend them by telling them they are wrong.  And I get that people don't understand that an Ironman is a triathlon.  So is a half Ironman, an Olympic distance, a sprint distance, etc.  Heck, any time you swim and then bike and then run, you are doing a triathlon. I've done that one a Tuesday in mid January at the gym. It doesn't matter the distance.

I guess it only really bothers me when someone speaks out of line. 

Remember the lady that asked me how many babies I was carrying when I was about 16 weeks along?  Or that she started that conversation by looking at my husband and saying "you did her good".  Yeah, that's not really appropriate and I'm assuming that she didn't think before speaking. (Of course, being me, I laughed about that for a while). 

So lately, as my belly grows and grows, people speak up.  What is it about talking to pregnant women and just saying whatever comes to mind - WITHOUT THINKING?  It's like your eyes see the bump and your mind says "I must make a comment, preferably inappropriate or something that will totally offend this poor woman who is overly emotional as it is". I've read so many blogs of friends who have written about what people have said to them as they are pregnant.  It's an epidemic if you ask me.  Most of it I can brush off, but sometimes my jaw drops, and I remain in awe.

Last night, Tom and I were talking to said person who fired me up.  I should preface it with the fact that I can easily get fired up about things this person says, but last night was classic.  They asked to see a picture of my growing belly and I sent them this one:

It's from Sunday.  I'm 29 weeks pregnant.  My belly is measuring two weeks ahead.  I've gained 18 pounds and I think besides my belly and chest, I have not gained a single pound elsewhere.  I'm damn proud of myself for this, for the fact that I still work out every day and that I feel like I'm having a healthy pregnancy.  I posted this picture on Facebook (which I'm hesitant to do because I'm so self conscious already) and people have been so incredibly nice, saying I look great and flattering me with compliments (which let me tell you, any pregnant woman at 29 weeks will gladly take a compliment about how they look great).  But not the person we were talking to last night.  Nope.  Their comment was "wow, you are huge.  And even in black clothes which usually make someone look so slim". 

Seriously.

My blood is still boiling.  Now I didn't send it to her in hopes that she would compliment me (I don't think she knows how to do such a thing), but seriously?  THINK.BEFORE.YOU.SPEAK!  I wanted to cry.

So here's my lesson for the day. If you see a pregnant woman, any pregnant women, don't tell her how big she is.  Think before saying what comes to mind first.  Remember that she's probably a little self conscious about the fact that she has a belly for the first time in her life, that she can't see her feet, that she can't tie her shoes, that maybe, just maybe she has finally accepted that this is part of the process and that she looks in the mirror and sees a healthy mom to be who is going to love her little girl more than anything in the world.  Definitely more than she will love you for making your stupid comment.
 

28 comments:

Betsy said...

I think you look 1) Pregnant and 2) adorable and 3) awfully fit for being 29 weeks! Did said person gain like a million pounds when they were pregnant? Just a guess.

Beth said...

Wow, that is unbelievably rude. I can't even imagine why people feel the need to comment.

By the way, you look incredible. Your baby is lucky to have such a healthy, fit mom.

Heather-O said...

If it makes you feel better, Matt and I were both talking about how you didn't look any different than you normally do, except for the baby bump. You don't look like you have gained a single pound anywhere, which is rare for having a girl (so I've heard). Just chalk it up to that person being self conscious about themselves and trying to get a jab in to boost their own self esteem. And then look at the source. There is definitely something wrong with a person who has to pick themselves up by putting others down. Take it with a grain of salt and know that you are above that ;) HUGS!

Michelle said...

Nooooo! People really don't think before they speak.

With Maddie, I had bad sciatica, which caused me to walk funny. One co-worker repeatedly asked me "Why are you walking like that?"

Because it's fun.

And you look adorable! Fit and adorable!

MissFancyPants said...

My blood is boiling!! You look AWESOME!!!!

One Crazy Penguin said...

I think you're the most adorable pregnant person ever! Screw her!

B,P,R,S & L said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
B,P,R,S & L said...

I always say, "that baby is getting big!" That is what I would have wanted people to say to me!

TriMOEngr said...

Definitely beautiful as always. I'm sure your baby girl will be a bundle of cuteness and have Tom wrapped around her finger instantly. Love the bump!

Steve said...

Sorry Colleen. I saw the pic on FB yesterday, and I thought you looked great. I didn't say anything, but maybe I should have.

You look very very healthy, and I think you do pregnant good. :)

My best to you both as always. errr... the 3 of you I guess I should say. ;)

Matthew Smith said...

I know from the hubby side of pregnancy how sensitive momma can get, and I'm sorry about the inconsiderate/unthoughtful/rude comments that you've heard. Not cool at all! I think you look fantastic, and I think it's so great that you're working out so much WHILE you're pregnant! Good for you. Pretty soon, you can have your body back, and I can babysit Abigail while you and Jenn go train somewhere! :) You look great! Thanks for posting that picture, by the way! I was actually really excited to see it.

Swim Bike Mom said...

People are SUCH idiots!!!

Oh my gosh... take it from someone who had back-to-back babies, you will hear IT ALL when you are pregnant. And it 's so rarely nice stuff. Which is BIZARRE. I mean, you're baking ANOTHER HUMAN for Pete's sake--and yet you're subjected to the most ridiculous kinds of back-handed compliments: "you look like you are about to pop" and "how many babies ARE you having" and "man, I was only showing in the front with MY baby, but you... you are showing everywhere!" (the latter being MY personal fave.) Hang in there... people are idiots. That is what I have come to learn. People are idiots. Oh, did I mention that people are idiots? Yeah... because people are idiots.

And I think you look a-maz-ing. And healthy and I am so glad that you are feeling great. :)

Runner Maybe said...

ummm.....WOW just wow! You are not huge - you look fantastic. I get all sort of random questions and just shake my head. My latest was from a good friend who has not had kids and never been pregnant so I forgave her but she asked if my DR was concerned that I was so big so early! :)

Ironman By Thirty said...

Wow. Just wow.

Let me just say that you look fantastic! And I should know from living with another fantastic looking pregnant chick! :)

Karen said...

I hear the comments get worse once you have the kid, suddenly everybody becomes an expert on how you should parent. Probably should just get used to people being jerks.

You look great!

..:danielle:.. said...

wow, just wow. you look AMAZING.

Kristen said...

You look STUNNING and HEALTHY and BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING and FANTASTIC (trying to use as many adjectives as I can). Said person can go shove it up her arse!

Aunt Nan said...

You look amazingly beautiful and healthy and I'm not saying that just 'cause I'm your Mama! xoxo The person you speak of wouldn't know how to give a compliment if her life depended on it. I love you, and Tom, and Sweet Pea, Abigail so, so much. Mom xoxox

Big Daddy Diesel said...

Just like what Kevin and Danielle said, wow, just wow

Caroline said...

First of all you my friend look LOVELY and fantastic. Second...I cannot remember how many times I cried because of nasty comments while pregnant and AFTER giving birth... You know the first few days after when I still looked pregnant because well I am not a celebrity with a magic trick that makes the belly flat instantly!!! :)

Ms Mae said...

Aw hun. You look great.

I am only at 26 weeks and cannot tell you the number of times people have told me, "I can't believe you have three months to go, you look like you are going to burst now". Um. Thanks. Really. Jerks.

Oh well. Know that you are doing everything perfect for you and for your little one!

Whitney Sutherland said...

You look awesome! You are an inspiration to many on how to have a healthy and active pregnancy!

Rebecca Thorpe said...

I think any woman carrying a child, a miracle of God growing inside them, is absolutely radiant. That is why I was so happy to see your FB photo. Being pregnant is not just about getting a bigger belly, its about nurturing and growing this little tiny human who will be fully under your care and supervision for the next 18+ years and be an integral part of you for the rest of your life.
Some people do not have the gift of discretion or good judgment. Its a skill we need to remember to teach our children!

Rebecca Thorpe said...

PS. And you look fabulous!

mom2booandbobo said...

So sorry! This person that made you doubt yourself obviously has no filter (like my mother:-) and hurt you alot. Now go look in the mirror and see that gorgeous pregnant woman that you are! You don't have time to stew over their stupidity so get out there and go for a walk/run/jog/slog/whatever and know that you are one healthy momma!

Carolina John said...

Other People Suck. You're still beautiful.

athletewithinja said...

I envy the fitness even you are pregnant. We are trying to conceive too this year but I hope to still maintain a healthy lifestyle during pregnancy. I will be seeking for your advice soon. :)

Thanks thanks.

Melissa C said...

YOu look amazing.

I don't get people either. When I was pregnant with both of my kids I constantly was about to cry when out in public. But what do you do? You smile, and then maybe if you are with someone you know well when it happens, you make a comment about how you really feel. Like the time someone told me I didn't look pregnant at all (as a compliment), but I had already gained 10lbs and wanted to snap, "so you think I always look this big?" I think I did say I had gained 10lbs already, and that shut up the person, but really, why can't people just say, "you look really good" if that is what they are trying to say.

Crazy enough, people will still say stuff after the baby, bc it takes a decent amount of time to have your stomach go back to normal. That is even worse. But really the worst is when you and some super tiny lady who looks like she adopted her baby at her 2 week visit is sitting with you at your 4 week visit. Ugh.

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